20 Red Flag PhraseS & Behaviors to watch out for!

This resource will help you identify key red flags phrases and behaviors that are hurtful and unhealthy, whether you’re on the receiving end or saying them to others. If you recognize any of these phrases or behaviors in yourself, remember: you're not alone; we’ve all been there. This is your opportunity to start doing things differently.

Healthy communication and learning how to treat each other with kindness and compassion are vital dating and relationship skills. We are all learning as we grow. An important part of growth is learning to establish healthy boundaries, advocate for ourselves, and treat ourselves and others with kindness.

Words hold power, the power to create and deepen our connection and the power to destroy them. Use your words wisely.

PHRASES

1.”I need you to make me a better person”.

We can be good influences on people, but it is not our responsibility to make them better people. Take that burden off your shoulders.

2. “You can’t be serious about that”.

If it feels serious to you, it’s serious to you. PERIOD.

3. “I only have time for fun and not drama”.

They are letting you know they don’t have the emotional depth that is required for a loving relationship. Don’t make this mean something about you!

4. “You should just trust me without question”.

Trust grows over time as we get to know one another.

5. “If you liked me, you would…”

This is a form of intimidation, not love.

BEHAVIORS

We need to pay attention to peoples actions and behaviors in many cases they speak much louder than words.

6. Compares you to others or their ex

Reminding you of someone and being compared to someone are two very different things. Be prepared to ask follow-up questions to help you understand why this is coming up.

7. Don’t call or text when they say they will

Actions speak louder than words. If they can’t follow through with small commitments now, it’s unlikely to get better with bigger ones.

8. Rush you to define the relationship

If you feel pressured to define the relationship before you’re ready, this person may not be respecting your process.

9. Testing you to see if you stay true to your word

This is a form of game-playing, often rooted in insecurity. Talking about insecurities openly is the mature approach.

10. Pushing you to hang out more

It’s nice when someone wants to see you, but if you’ve set a limit on how much you can hang out, that boundary needs to be respected.

11. Making plans for both of you without checking in

Unless they’re surprising you, if they’re calling all the shots and never considering your feelings or opinions, it may indicate they’re not invested in your wants or needs.

12. Hot and cold with their feelings

Coming in hot and then disappearing the next — this inconsistency is not in line with consistent, paced, steady interest.

13. Constantly canceling and changing plans

Continually being canceled on doesn’t feel good! If they’re doing this, it’s a sign that you’re probably not a priority. Next!

14. Constantly asking for reassurance about your feelings

If they need you to continually validate your feelings for them, they may have an underlying sense of mistrust.

15. Constantly checking in on your whereabouts

Constantly checking where you are is different from checking in because they care.

SELF LOVE

Here’s the thing about this ‘Self-Love’ section: as you read through it, you might feel the temptation to get down on yourself or feel guilty for any of these behaviors. Here’s your reminder: don’t go there. Self-criticism isn’t an act of self-love, and it goes against the very shift you’re working to create while dating.

Instead, go through each point, take a mental note, and approach it as a gentle opportunity for growth. Recognize where you want to support yourself more fully, and let this be an empowering moment to treat yourself with even greater kindness and compassion. You're not here to judge; you’re here to grow and to honor yourself.

16. Avoiding Self-Reflection

All of us play a role in every interaction, no matter how small. Growth requires that we own our part and learn from it.

17. Disregarding Your Own Boundaries

If we set boundaries but break them to please others, we’re not honoring our worth.

18. Overthinking

Overthinking traps us in a cycle of dwelling on things beyond our control, slowly draining our energy and self-confidence. If this sounds familiar, know there’s no shame in it—rumination is your mind’s way of trying to protect you, even if it’s not always helpful. The good news? You can learn to break-free and take back your power.

19. Ignoring Your Intuition

Our instincts often know what’s best. Not trusting them is a disservice to our inner wisdom.

20. Perfectionism

Striving for excellence, paying attention to details, and wanting to show up as your best self is wonderful, but tying yourself into a pretzel to be "perfect" is neither realistic or compassionately self-loving.

Spotting red flags is an important first step, but it won’t change who you attract—or how they treat you.

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